About the author: Rayn Rose

Lost amongst the noise

Once upon a time in the depths of an icy winter in Great Manchester, England a seed was planted. The earth embracing this stranger in hope. Years passed, but hope never delivered.

I am wildflower. The ill fated seedling, planted amongst a blood crimson petalhood. With their tall stemmed, silken petals caressing a delicate bud, they stand united. Honoured to be the chosen ones. Their emerald velvet leaves a watchful guardian. Suspicious of outsiders. I am an outsider. I have never been able to change that. I wasn’t made to fit in.

I am allergic to pollen, furries, and lies. Imperfect in all it’s glory.

Unable to accept life as it was prescribed- I soldiered on with this burden. I needed to experience, express, and explore. Yet, I compromised.

I never really grasped the truth until during spring, on my 35th flowering birthing ceremony, I was once again ignored. Mocked for my existence by beautiful bullies. I packed my water supply, wrapped my petals in a warm grass coat and grabbed my roots. I was on my merry way to self discovery. The petalhood’s sly hurtful jabs a bullet in my tiny heart. All, I could do was to ignore it all. I bid Mother Earth a sad farewell, her protests falling on deaf ears. I had wasted enough time waiting for change.

It was my time.

I had a desire to learn and grow, so I embarked on a spiritual journey where I found creative expression. A means to heal from my trauma. I became an educator, teaching other wildflowers to find their potential. When that no longer served it’s purpose, I again flapped my petals and went exploring. This time I travelled the world, meeting other outsiders and conducting research. However, I got homesick and returned in the hope that I could now belong with my family.

I was always a hopeful dreamer.

I was wrong. Again, abused and abandoned- I suffered alone with mental and physical illness. My fiery heart a victim. After a few years of some more soul searching, I once more fought for freedom. This time my middle finger an unwelcome guest. The horrified petalhood unsure what to make of this unruly outsider. I shook their core, challenged their values and beliefs. I disobeyed them. I fell in love with a sunflower and rebelled.

Now, a fully fledged counsellor, with possibilities and conviction, I left England for good. I was no longer afraid to live my life on my terms. Nothing would stop me now. I was home. I am home.

I am wildflower.

A story teller.

A creative healer.

The precious petalhood may have shunned me, but I am proud of my difference.

This is my story.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s